25 Years Later

Twenty five years ago, I wrapped my first feature length film, emily’s ghost. Shot on 16mm black and white film in Lawrence, KS. I was a senior in college. I had done a few films for classes but never one of this size or magnitude. My first go around was botched by 16,000’ feet of film ruined. Undeterred, I came back and reshot the entire film in 12 days. Now, sans hair, plus pounds and a few more decades of experience, I’m taking on the challenge of my second feature film (third if you want to count the reshoot ).

One of the actors asked me if I was afraid. It was a qualified, “yes.” Yes, because any project I film has anxiety attached to it. “Did we forget anything? Are we going to make the flight?  What if the interview or performance is horrible?” Multiply that anxiety by the scale of a feature length film and contrast it against a two day commercial shoot. 

When I shot emily’s ghost I had anxiety and fear. But that was the anxiety and fear of inexperience and ignorance. Now my anxiety comes from knowing. Knowing what can wrong, what mistakes I could easily make. But different from that earlier time comes a confidence. Not something born out of youthful ignorance and exuberance, but one derived from 25 years of technical knowledge, organizational skill, management experience and a healthy dose of perspective.

So as of today, when I officially announce and launch myself into my next feature, I balance the healthy anxiety with the wealth of experience brought on by those extra pounds and bare head.